Day 9 of the Overcoming Fear Challenge

The Fear of Success

        Self Confidence VS Self Esteem

Laura McHugh and Cygnet Brown

When another person reaches the dream that you have been trying to reach, celebrate their success!

A couple of days ago I was participating in my mastermind group when the issue of the difference between self-confidence and self esteem came up. The discussion opened my eyes to my own situation and how the difference related to me and this series I am doing.  Often people use the term Self confidence and self-esteem interchangeably. This is a misconception. They are different and the ways in which self confidence is built is different than the ways that self esteem is built primarily because self confidence and self esteem originate differently. Self Confidence is based in the way a person thinks about his or her abilities. Self esteem is based in the way a person feels about him or herself.

 

When a person has low self confidence, they do not think they have the knowledge that it takes to do whatever they want to do. To build self confidence, an individual needs to obtain knowledge and skills concerning whatever it is that the individual needs to know about whatever area that the person needs confidence.

 

A person with low self esteem however feels as though he or she does not deserve whatever it is that he or she is trying to accomplish. A person with low self esteem could have a lot of confidence in his or her abilities and still have low self esteem.  A person who has low self esteem, for whatever reason, feels as though he or she does not deserve whatever he or she has worked to accomplish. A person with low self esteem is afraid of being undeserving of whatever reward comes with accomplishment. Many individuals with a lot of confidence, have low self esteem. All the skills of confidence building does nothing to fix self esteem. Low self esteem is based feeling. The feeling in which low self esteem is based is the fear of success.

 

The Fear of Success is the Basis for Low Self Esteem

 

If the fear of success is the basis for low self esteem, it is very difficult for someone with low self esteem to success. I should know. I don’t feel as though I deserve success. This is my fear. I am afraid that others will find out that I don’t deserve success, so I make sure that I don’t have it. Rationally, I can see where I deserve it as much as the next person. I work hard at what I do. I am highly knowledgeable in many areas. I have the confidence. I know a lot about gardening, natural remedies, and cooking food from scratch. I also have learned and have become quite adept at writing my own books, editing, formatting, publishing and marketing. Almost single handed, I wrote (my husband Jeff designed the cover) my most recent book. If you’ve never written a book and self published it, you have no idea how much work goes into publishing a book. I’m good at what I do. I don’t however feel as though I deserve success so anytime I come close to succeeding, I sabotage my own efforts. When I come close to making breakthroughs, I drop the ball and sabotage my own efforts.

DuSable, the founder of Chicago didn't let his dark skin keep him from being a successful business man.

DuSable, the founder of Chicago didn’t let his dark skin keep him from being a successful business man.

This begs the question; what do I do about it? Learning new skills isn’t going to do it, because I probably know enough right now to be far more successful than I am. The idea that some offer of “faking it until I make it” won’t work either. I know I’m faking it so how could that help me feel as though I deserve it?

 

I don’t have the answers, but I do have a next step. When this issue came up in the mastermind group, the leader of the group suggested that we read the book Seeds of Greatness by Denis Waitley written in 1984. I have requested a loan copy from the local library. It will be in the local library in the next day or two. Its also available new or used on Amazon in hardcover or paperback. My next step is to read the book. I’m certain there will be more on this in an upcoming post.

About the Author

2014-04-07 07.07.08Cygnet Brown has recently finished her first nonfiction book: Simply Vegetable Gardening: Simple Organic Gardening Tips for the Beginning Gardener She is also the author of historical fiction series The Locket Saga Cygnet Brown resides in Springfield, Missouri.

Get a free copy of her newsletter and a free pdf copy of her e-booket: Vegetable Gardening in the Shade.

Day 9 Overcoming Fear Challenge ©2014 Donna (Cygnet) Brown

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s