Day 11 of the Overcoming Fear Challenge

exit interview

The best way to get rid of fear is to let hm know that he is no longer needed.

 An Exit Interview with Fear

Yesterday we talked about how fear is like a protective coating that protects us from things that can harm us, but in order for us to grow, we must tell the fear that it is no longer needed.  Its not as though we need to get angry or upset with fear. The truth is, it is best when we address our fear that we are calm and don’t get excited because excitement makes fear raise up its defenses. We do much better if we can address fear with a coolly, rationally and lovingly.

The best way to get rid of fear is to let hm know that he is no longer needed.

Imagine that you are an employer and that fear’s job has been terminated. Treat this conversation like an exit interview and fear is getting the ax. Here is how such a conversation could go:

In an interview room, two chairs are facing one another. I am sitting in one. Fear enters the room. He is standing very militarily. His eyes are ever watchful. He is proud of the work that he has been doing.  I motion fear to take the seat facing the one in which I am sitting.

Me: Hello fear, I see that you have been very busy taking care of business. I see that you are trying to protect me from failure, and I appreciate your efforts.

Fear: Well, thank you. It is nice that I am appreciated.

Me: You’ve come to work every day, did your time, did your job well. Too well in fact. However, I have bad news for you. The job that you have been do no longer is needed so I have to let you go. It is time for me to grow, and the job that you have been doing is hindering that grown. I’m sorry, but I have to let you go.

Fear: But I like it here. Please keep me on.

Me: The truth is,Your job was supposed to have been a temporary one. I have kept you on far longer than I should have.

Fear: But if I leave, you’ll be more vulnerable. I won’t be here to protect you.

Me: But if you stay, I can’t grow and grow I must.

Fear: I see. I understand. I wish it were different. I really liked working for you.

Me: And you did your job well. It is just that I no longer need the services you provide. Good-bye fear.

Fear: Good-bye.

(Fear gets up. He is stooped over, his head low. He walks out of the room. I sort of feel sorry for him, but I know that it is for the best. It is time for me to grow.)

About the Author

2014-04-07 07.07.08Cygnet Brown has recently finished her first nonfiction book: Simply Vegetable Gardening: Simple Organic Gardening Tips for the Beginning Gardener She is also the author of historical fiction series The Locket Saga Cygnet Brown resides in Springfield, Missouri.

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Day 11 Overcoming Fear Challenge ©2014 Donna (Cygnet) Brown

To Every Reason There Is a Season

      The reason I titled this blog The Ugly Duckling is that my maiden name was Swanson. That is also the reason my pen name or pseudonym is “Cygnet” which, of course as everyone knows, is a baby swan. It certainly seems like a strange time for someone to be starting a blog, but it is something that I have planned to do for a while, so rather than putting it off any longer, I have determined that now is the season to begin this blog.

      My Dad died October 19 and my brother died November 29. Between the two, I completed an abnormal psych class with a 100% and I wrote the first draft of a novel to win NaNoWriMo. At this moment, the accomplishments seem hollow. In just six weeks, I lost two people that I love.

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        This is a photo of the last time that I saw my Dad when he was at the nursing home.

       Grief did not seem so heavy when Dad died. It some ways it felt like a relief. He was 91 years old and had been suffering for several years with dementia. When I saw him alive last, he knew that he knew me, but he did not know exactly who I was. When I told him, he seemed embarrassed. He had been afraid that he would get mean like the other residents at his nursing home. I reassured him that he would not be like that because he had a different type of dementia. It seemed to comfort him some. That was almost two years ago. I had not expected the grief at all really, but it was there. A part of me had died, and I was determined to keep at least a part of him alive. I am working creating his poetry into a hard cover book. It is the least I can do.

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This is a photo from a few years ago when my brother Allen (in the blue on my left) and my husband (in the green shorts on my right).

      The death of my brother, however, brings crushing grief. I cannot explain it any better than that. I am sadder than I have ever been in my life. I honestly cannot tell you how much of it has to do with my realization of my own mortality and how much of it is because I have lost a person dear to me. I am older than he was. I am older than any of my six siblings. He was the only one of my siblings that I do not remember ever coming home as a newborn. He was my first playmate. He was there with me when my sister was born.  He went with me to Aunt Mary’s. We watched as she loaded her dishwasher that we thought was really something else. Our mother did not have a dishwasher. We came home, saw the baby, then Allen and I went upstairs to play. He was my first friend. God, I miss him.